My Lola Bola

I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday! My was wonderful with lots of family. I'm putting up a picture of Sienna and Levi's tea party with Papaw just so my sister will stop complaining of my animal pictures. But this post is about Lola. Sorry Shell. Lola is pregnant and ready to pop at any moment. I'm very worried about her. She had some health concerns before getting pregnant but now I'm worried that the delivery will be too much for her. It's my own fault for allowing this situation to happen. I knew that Dave didn't want to get the dogs fixed and would still like to see them breed. He let me believe that I could somehow keep the dogs seperated and prevent them from breeding. However, it's still my fault for even listening to him. I knew what we both wanted was completely opposite from the other. I should have done my own research and came up with my own plan, instead of just using his 'keep an eye on them' plan.

But, whatever, my situation now is that Lola is going to give birth extremely soon. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I've been reading the internet to get prepared and try to be knowledgeable on what to expect and do. However, that's making me even more scared. Things could go wrong. Lola could die. It happens with completely healthy and normal pugs, let alone one's that already have an issue or two. Or, Lola could give birth with no complications or problems and without needing my assistance at all. She could be perfectly fine. It's kind of like a coin toss. I feel like I'm holding my breath waiting for a coin toss to decide my fate. And yes granted, it's not my fate ~ it's Lola's. But it almost feels like it might as well be mine. Is that weird?

I'm an intense person. When I love, I love completely~ with every part of me and all that I am. I don't know how to half love or some love, it's all or nothing. And that includes my dogs. Dave isn't like that with the dogs. To him they are animals, nothing more. To me they are members of our family. Almost like my kids. (My kids do come first though). If Lola doesn't survive this, Dave will be a touch sad for the kids but he will move on, at the same moment that he finds out. But for me, it will be much different. I will morn her. I will morn the loss of her in my life and in my children's lives. And I will be terribly devastated by the role I played in it all.

However, I cannot focus on what could happen. I can only concentrate on now and what I can actually do. I can prepare the best that I can. I can be ready. I can help Lola be as comfortable and safe as possible. I can hope with all the love that I have that she is going to be just fine.